(Jonathan Harford's Livejournal)

In 1974, the company released Gerber Singles, small servings of food meant for single adults, packaged in jars that were almost identical to those used for baby food.

In-Vitro Meat -- aka tank steak, sci fi sausage, petri pork, beaker bacon, Frankenburger, vat-grown veal, laboratory lamb, synthetic shmeat, trans-ham, factory filet, test tube tuna, cultured chicken, or any other moniker that can seduce the shopper's stomach -- will appear in 3-10 years as a cheaper, healthier, "greener" protein that's easily manufactured in a metropolis.

Electric Six "Body Shot" (2009) - NSFW 18+ from Another Reybee Productions, Inc. on Vimeo.

We’ve created little household items, little point-of-purchase trinkets, stuff like that. It was an amazing amount of work. You watch the show and you might not notice it because sometimes the camera doesn’t always capture the little things you do. Hopefully, as a whole, it all kind of adds up. You can’t expect every item that you make to be celebrated.

   Amount  Measure       Ingredient -- Preparation Method
 --------  ------------  --------------------------------
    1 1/2  cups          small French lentils
    1      small         carrot -- diced 1/8 inch
      1/2  small         onion -- diced 1/8 inch
    1                    bay leaf
    1                    garlic clove -- minced
      1/2  teaspoon      salt
    1      medium        red bell pepper
    1      medium        green bell pepper
    1      teaspoon      mint
    3      tablespoons   minced fresh parsley
    3      tablespoons   cilantro
    3      tablespoons   thyme
                         Pepper -- to taste
                         ***VINAIGRETTE***
    1                    lemon -- juice of
                         grated peel of 1 small lime
    1      clove         garlic -- minced
      1/4  teaspoon      salt
    1      pinch         cayenne pepper
    1      pinch         paprika
    7      ounces        extra-virgin olive oil
    6      ounces        crumbled feta cheese
                         silvers lime zest -- Garnish
                         lemon zest -- Garnish
                         grapefruit zest -- Garnish

The Doorpost Film Project has its 2009 Finalists’ Films available for viewing and voting! One such film is Portraits, directed by John DesRoches and starring yours truly.

What you should do now (or before 9/16):

1. Go to http://www.thedoorpost.com/register/ and sign up so you can watch and vote on films.
2. Go to http://www.thedoorpost.com/hope/Portraits/ and watch Portraits.

What you should do after you’ve watched Portraits:

Did you watch it? Only read further after you’ve watched it.

Not bad, amirite? (If you disagree, feel free to disregard the rest of this post.)

1. Now you can vote on Portraits. (You might notice that you can only vote on a film after you have watched it while logged in.) There’s a little button on the lower-left of the video player. Use that to get to the voting page.
2. Now, uh… watch and vote upon the rest of the films. I realize this is kind of a tall order. But, see, the more films you watch, the more your votes count. And these are finalists—they’re going to be high quality. I’m making a night of it and watching ‘em all (http://www.thedoorpost.com/2009/FinalFilms/) this evening. I hope you do too.

Sorry for posting an email FWD (that everyone's already seen anyway), but so many of my friends are about to head off to the Playa, and I'm sad I won't be joining. I got FOMO bad.

• Tear down your house. Put it in a truck. Drive 10 hours in any direction. Put the house back together. Invite everyone you meet to come over and party. When they leave, follow them back to their homes, drink all their booze, and break things.
• Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset to not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance close naked, then say they have a lover back home at the end of the night.
• Stack all your fans in one corner of the living room. Put on your most fabulous outfit. Turn the fans on full blast. Dump a vacuum cleaner bag in front of them.
• Buy a new set of expensive camping gear. Break it.
• Only use the toilet in a house that is at least 3 blocks away. Drain all the water from the toilet. Only flush it every 3 days. Hide all the toilet paper.
• Set your house thermostat so it’s 50 degrees for the first hour of sleep and 100 degrees the rest of the night.
• Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.
• Mail $200 to the Reno casino of your choice.
• Search alleys untill you find a couch so unbelievably tacky and nasty filthy that a state college frat house wouldn’t want it. Take a nap on the couch and sleep like you are king of the world.
• Shop at Wal-mart, Cost-Co, and Home Depot until your car is completely packed with stuff. Tell everyone that you’re going to a "Leave-No-Trace" event. Empty your car into a dumpster.
• Spend thousands of dollars and several months of your life building a deeply personal art work. Hide it in a funhouse on the edge of the city. Hire people to come by and alternate saying "I love it" and "this sucks balls". Blow it up.
• Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various parts of your body. Forget how you did it. Don’t go to a doctor.
• Walk around your neighborhood and knock on doors until someone offers you cocktails and dinner.
• "Downsize" last year’s camp by adding two geodesic domes, a new sound system, art car, and 20 newbies.
• Lean back in a chair until that point where you’re just about to fall over, but you catch yourself at the last moment. Hold that position for 9 hours.
• Don’t sleep for 5 days. Take a wide variety of hallucinogenic/emotion altering drugs. Pick a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
• Set up a DJ system downwind of a three alarm fire. Play a short loop of drum’n'bass until the embers are cold.
• Have a 3 a.m. soul baring conversation with a drag nun in platforms, a crocodile and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to tell if you’re hallucinating. Lust after Bugs Bunny.
• Spend a whole year rummaging through thrift stores for the perfect, most outrageous costume. Forget to pack it.
• Read "Dhalgren" by Samuel R. Delany. Read "The City Not Long After" by Pat Murphy. Cut off the bindings, throw all the pages up in the air, and shuffle them back together. Reread "The City After Dhalgren" by Samuel Murphy. Burn it. Read the ashes.
• Listen to music you hate for 168 hours straight, or until you think you are going to scream. Scream. Realize you’ll love the music for the rest of your life.
• Spend 5 months planning a "theme camp" like it’s the invasion of Normandy. Spend Monday-Wednesday building the camp. Spend Thurs-Sunday nowhere near camp because you’re sick of it or can’t find it.
• Bust your ass for a "community." See all the attention get focused on the drama queen crybaby.
• Get so drunk you can’t recognize your own house. Walk slowly around the block for 5 hours.
• Tell your boss you aren’t coming to work this week but he should "gift" you a paycheck anyway. When he refuses accuse him of not loving the "community".
• Ask your most annoying neighbor to interrupt your fun several times a day with third hand gossip about every horrible thing that’s happened in the last 24 hours. Have them wear khaki.
• Go to a museum. Find one of Salvador Dali’s more disturbing, but beautiful paintings. Climb inside it.
• Make a list of all the things you’ll do different next year. Never look at it.

Free the noble beast
Torn from his natural state
Skewered spheres on tail

• Huffington Post
• Videogum
• CNet News
• Metro UK
• I Am Bored

The Outer Puppets is busting at the seams from its tremendous volume of creative juices. I left the theater feeling invigorated by the designs, the rich wit, the smart and playful performances, and not least because of the seductively immersive score played live by musicians Naa Koshie Mills, Dan Sullivan and Beth Thomason. If I were to look at the work from on high I would write about its examination of our destructive urge to outclass our mere humanness. But that wouldn't do justice to the work's ribald spirit. So as a mere human I'll just say: This is one cool, rockin' show.

The cable, please. Please repeat after me:

This ethernet cable I connect to you as a token of my love and devotion to you. [J repeats] I pledge to you all that I am and all that I will ever be as your husband. [J repeats] With this cable, I gladly marry you and join my life to yours. [J repeats]

By the power vested in me by the Universal Life Church and Winkel and Balktick, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the Internet. I present to you Mister and Professor Harford-Internet.